Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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