They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
i think my cat just said my name.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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