btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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