My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
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did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
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What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize