I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize