haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
