The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
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After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
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I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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