Im at strip club and am horny
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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