i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
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if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
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she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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