I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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