my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
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Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
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Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.