So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great