Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is