standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
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welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
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There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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