Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...