I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful