im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
