So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
