he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
