drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
