So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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