yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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