**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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