Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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