he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
