so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I skipped work to stalk him.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
