if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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