I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
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I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
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This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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