he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
