She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize