hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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