it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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