what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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