Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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