Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Still dying that you shit outside
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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