Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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