I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
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so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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