i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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