She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
