it was like his penis was on wheels.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
