You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Drake has all the answers
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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