Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
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It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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