Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
