hotel room ftw
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
