conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
