Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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