im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
