so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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