Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize