so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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