anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
