what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
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The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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