Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
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with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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