Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
