i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
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I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
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I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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