i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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