You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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